Twisted, Sister

I am eating healthy. I am exercising (stairs/cleaning/non-stop unpacking/moving boxes/cooking/laundry/beach walking/shell hunting–does that count?). I am doing all the right things. And I’m not losing weight.

We just moved from KC to Florida. It’s been hectic and my eating hasn’t always been what it should be, but! I am not eating too much. I can’t. I get very full at the drop of a sandwich and I just can’t physically put much food in my stomach. My stomach is still so tiny after surgery. So, why no weight loss?

I ran out of my furosemide. Generic Lasix. Water pill.

We lost our insurance at the end of May. My husband left his job and we just don’t have insurance yet. I was too busy to call the doctor or see someone before I left Missouri. So, I’m out. I know, I know! But. I had good reasoning for this decision. Let me explain.

I went on furosemide almost 5 years ago. It was a miracle drug. It helped me drop massive chunks of weight. The first week I lost over 30 lbs. I was full of juice. I was at 513 pounds and I dropped like a rock as soon as they gave it to me.

I was in the ER, diagnosed within hours, “Ms. Maggio, we think you have congestive heart failure.” They immediately gave me an IV. Pumped Lasix in and the juice came out! Immediately! I almost did not make it to the bathroom it was so fast. I lost over 10 lbs. of liquid (probably more) the first 3 days in the hospital. I felt like I could fly!

So I was released with a dose of generic Lasix that I have taken steadily since 2012. I was even put on two pills in 2014. After weight loss surgery last December, my surgeon took me off furosemide. No dose. Not sure of his reasoning, other than he knew I wouldn’t be getting the water intake I needed, at first. But I wasn’t losing like I should. So his partner put me back on one dose. That seemed to do the trick.

I can usually tell if I’m retaining water. My feet swell. I’ve learned to keep an eye on my feet. That’s typically the first sign. Obvs. It’s the lowest point in your body. That’s where liquid is going to go. Thanks, Gravity. Plus, with poor circulation (Thanks, Heart Failure!) that’s where most of the liquid is going to stay. I usually have cold hands and feet, too.

So, since I’ve run out of my furosemide, I’m retaining more water. It’s nothing like ER Martha at 513 lbs. My feet had ballooned to 3 times their normal size. Scary! That’s one reason why I headed to the ER. Nothing like that. I can just tell, I’m a little squishy.

So, I’m going to call one of my Missouri doctors today and see if they can help me out until I can find a primary care physician here. Without insurance yet, that could be tricky.

Thankfully! I am doing okay. Still have great energy. More than ever. I still have all my other meds. I was trying to get off the furosemide anyway and my doctors agreed. Plus, I have not gained any weight! That’s the great part. I’ve just stalled. I thought I was losing, but no. Every day I wake up and it’s the same.

True, I could be in a plateau. I hit one before. It happens. But I am doing everything I can to break it. Eating even less than what I’m hungry for (usually never hungry, but I am lately more hungry at night due to more activity during the day). I want to break this plateau, if that’s what it is. I want to only drink water. Working on it. I mostly do, but I like an occasional low- or no-calorie soft drink. Like half a mini Coke or Crystal Light.

I also feel my carb addiction creeping back in. I love carbs. Pasta, flour, cereal. I don’t really eat these, but I have a weakness for bread. I take little bites of a roll and I only have one, especially if we are eating out and they have free bread or something. But it’s so tempting to eat the whole friggin’ basket. I couldn’t even if I said, “Yes, more bread please!” as I wiped the crumbs from my very-full cheeks. I would totally throw it up or have to find the nearest bathroom and be miserable for hours. No, thank you. Plus, it would just stop up the whole works for days! So, I can limit, but I shouldn’t have it at all! AT! ALL! NEVER!

I am back on the straight and narrow. Mainly because I want to see that scale keep moving. I have a finite window here to lose most of it and I am very aware of that clock. It’s 12-18 months. It’s different for everyone. I went through hell to get that surgery and I’m not going to waste it.

Over the past few days, I’ve been back to salads, eating lean and limiting portions. It’s not hard, I just had to get my head back in the game and really focus. Moving just spun my head around like a Twister dial and my brain landed on all four colors.

This morning I am right back where I was when I left KC, 338.2 lbs. THAT is nothing to sneeze at! It used to be, my weight fluctuated drastically from day to day. 10 lbs. or more. So THIS is good. Not great, but okay! 🙂

Back on the very strict wagon! But glad to be here.

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An Armful

Last night, my daughter came up to me after a long day for both of us and asked to hug me. “I wanna give you a big hug.”

She hugged me for a few seconds and then exclaimed, “I can fit my arms around you!” And we laughed together. We rejoiced together.

That was a big moment for both of us. She’s never embraced me and touched her hands until now and I have lost so much weight that my daughter can get her arms around me for the first time. Wow!

What a beautiful moment. I love her. She’s such a gorgeous reminder of pure love and acceptance. I see Jesus in her spirit every day and she rescued me from a lifetime of indulgence and regret. She gave me a reason to live. She helped me embrace life.

Thank you, Lilli. For your hugs and whole heart.

340s

Today, I am 347.6 lbs. I am still steadily losing weight almost every day. There are some days that I don’t lose anything. Those days, however, are few and far between.

I went in for weight loss surgery last December 2016 and since then, I’ve managed to lose 109 lbs. That feels great. Since August 2012, I’ve dropped 166 total. Plus, I’m only 4 1/2 months in. Can you imagine 1 year from now??

It may seem like a pretty standard thing to most people, but at my heaviest, I lost my ability to take a relaxing bath. I always take a shower every day, but occasionally, it’s nice to have a soak. And at 500 lbs, it wasn’t a luxury I could indulge.

So, this last Tuesday, after freezing my toes off most of the day, I thought to try a nice hot bath to warm up. My body temperature is hard to regulate with no thyroid and rapid weight loss. My extremely remote appendages are typically frigid. So, I could either vigorously exercise, throw on a pair of socks or relax in a steamy pool of life-altering suds. Bath it is!

And you know what? I fit. I fit nicely in the tub. With water! More than just a drop! Ain’t that great? I thought so. It was an ordinary achievement in a routine day, but it meant the world to be in the tub again. These small things are what excite me the most.

I can’t wait to fly again! If and when I can afford it. 🙂 Until then, I’ll fly high on my little daily wins.

The Buzz!

What’s the buzz? It’s not a new radio station in town. It’s not a hot wings restaurant down on the corner where the servers wear footballs over their tatas! It’s me, my weight!

I just broke 400!!!

I weigh 399.8 today. 😀 Starting at 513 lbs. in August of 2012, to finally be down past 400 is huge! 113.2 lbs. lost! I am so happy. I am so thankful. I am so very excited! I am so excited to be at this weight-busting moment!

I had wanted to meet this goal before the end of 2016, but I’m only 9 days late. 😀 Better late than never.

Thank you for just cheering me on. It helps. Woot!!! I’m losing! I really am.

And if you’re having trouble starting your NYE diet resolution, be afraid, because I’m on your a$$ and I’m coming for you! What better motivation to start! LOL 😉

Confessions of a Hungry Mind

I am at 410.2 lbs.

Since I entered the hospital in August of 2012 at 513 pounds, I have lost 103 pounds!!! That is astonishing! I was at a lethal weight and classified as super morbidly obese. I’m so glad to shed that baggage and move forward. Phew. I got a skinny girl off my back!

On the gallbladder front, I bitched and moaned enough (went to the ER twice!) that they are going to perform an EGD (stomach scope) and remove my gallbladder at the same time next Thursday. Also phew.

I’m a little nervous about gallbladder surgery, but looking forward to less pain! Everyone says it’s easy-peasy-lemon-squeezy. Alot of gallbladder victims out there. Fortunately, humans don’t seem to need it. And I read an article that said alot of other animals don’t have a gallbladder.

Did you know your GB stores about a cup of bile every night? Mmmm, so hungry now. If you saw a cup of bile sitting on the counter, what would you do? I would immediately throw up. BUT! Bile helps you digest fats and other foods. So, after surgery, with no more GB? Low-fat diet. On top of my other weight loss surgery post-op food requirements! I can basically have…not alot. Protein shake anyone? Sigh.

After a few weeks, after GB removal, they said 90% of people go back to their normal diet. So that’s good. I’m basically in pain every time I eat now, I only eat about an ounce of food at each meal. That’s okay! I’m learning to be satisfied and restrict myself so I’m not doubled over in pain with gallbladder seizures! I feel very weak, but I’m not exercising, so…whatever. Just, on with the show! I’m still losing at the rate they want me to, so no worries.

I think I’m in so much pain because those gallstones take up the space where your bile would be stored and I don’t have enough bile to begin with. So it makes eating painful and difficult. Without bile, stomach cramps and immediate bathroom needs are frequent symptoms. These are just my supposings. Again, I’m not a doctor. Not a medical doctor anyway. They do call me Dr. Hotstuff from time to time.

No. They don’t. My husband does. No. He doesn’t. I call myself that when I’m alone in the bathroom after every meal. LOL

Cheers to weight loss!

Why the dress? The dress above is my dream dress for remarrying my sweetie, 20-year vow renewal in 2 years. Maybe in Vegas? By Elvis? Good to have goals!

Also-I made veggie lasagna the other night. Really good. Smashed up cauliflower and broccoli with melted Italian cheese and pepperoni on top. Pizza sauce in the middle. I had just a small portion. Really liked it. Put some ricotta cheese in there. No noodles. Didn’t hurt my tummy. When I make it again, I’ll take a pic and post the recipe. Basically, any good lasagna recipe but no noodles and sub in veg. Family loved it too.

Just thought I’d share the last few days since I’ve been quiet. Ta!

Hangry

Hi. I’m Martha Maggio and I have problems.

Today is the day. I see the doctor one last time before WLS (in two weeks) and I won’t eat normal food for about 1-2 months. I’m already hungrier than I’ve ever been.

I started the liquid diet last Monday and it did not go well. I was tempted many times and had already resolved to eat on Thanksgiving. By Sunday, I had at least lost a few pounds, but I was still eating solid foods about once a day.

I didn’t have to start the diet last week, but I knew I needed to ease into this process. No more excuses. I have to start today. I have not eaten anything so far and I feel sad. Really sad. Tired. Really tired. And hungry. Really hungry. Hangry even. My life without food so far is pretty dismal. There is nothing to look forward to and there is nothing to celebrate. I don’t know who I am without food.

I don’t know what to do with myself. I could DO a million things but when you’re an addict, the most interesting thing to do when you can’t have your fix is to think about having it. At least for me.


If I was eating…what would I eat?
What is she eating??
I wonder what that tastes like?
I bet they’re enjoying that.


It’s kinda sick. It’s torture. It’s the next best thing to eating-thinking about eating. But IT could be sex, drinking, getting high, working out, overworking, shopping, gambling, lying. What’s your sweet torture?

Every time I want to eat I think about this though-I give my liver a voice. That’s the reason I’m on this liquid diet to begin with. It’s a liver-reduction diet so the doctor can get to that big ol’ stomach underneath my big ol’ fatty liver. My liver’s voice is this, “You can’t have anything that will hurt me, Martha. Not alcohol, not fats, not sugar, not anything that I can’t handle. Gimme a break. Don’t make it hard on the doc.” (Watch Sugar Coated and you’ll see what happens to your liver when you have too much bad stuff! I call it “the liver quivers”.) I’ve even given my liver a name, Oliver. Har. Okay, Ollie, I won’t hurt you.

I want this surgery. And I don’t want to make it more difficult for the surgeon. I want a swanky, svelte liver so he can get at my stomach. I’ve heard horror stories about being cut open and being refused stomach surgery because of the inability to get to the stomach. So all of the dieting and cutting and none of the benefits!

Oh my friggin’ Lord God in heaven, no! Nightmare! Please, God, no!

I know they don’t tell me to do these things to punish me. They want me to be successful. So, as much as I want to have that leftover slice of Prime Cut Minsky’s pizza in the fridge, I won’t. I can taste the bacon and cheese. The cold, greasy triangle of love. The spice of the sauce. The satisfying chew. The hard swallow followed by a cold soda or glass of milk.

Eating is my favorite thing in the world and I have to learn to live without it. Today is the day.