For Better or Worse

Every experience,
good or bad,
leads us to truth.

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Promise

ok. take all ur hopes, dreams and wishes and.

throw them out the window.

start over and ask God what he wants for u.

ask him to show it to u. be patient. look for it. be brave.

when u put God first, u start wanting things u didn’t even know were possible, things that he’s set aside just for u.

it looks weird. it feels weird. but I promise, God promises, that it will be magical, supernatural and unbelievably good.

he has promised to prosper us and not harm us.

my husband looked at me one day and wondered, “how we can we be in such a good place right now?” (after bankruptcy and foreclosure, cancer, medical debt, heart failure)

and I think it’s because we finally straightened out our priorities. we stopped wishing for better and started being better.

he gives us good things when we put him first. u can’t wish for a boat/motorcycle/bigger house/pool/money and pretend like that’s ur prayer to God. those things won’t make it better.

u can’t ask for a better kid/spouse/life until YOU become a better kid/spouse/person.

give it up and hand it over, u’ll be surprised. promise.

from 2016

i know some people question God. God is cruel, they say. or “where is God?” i think the question should be more, “is God fair and just?” and to this i say, yes. God is perfectly just. no action can go without consequence, our actions and/or other people’s actions. those are the rules whether u believe in God or not. those are the rules whether God exists or not. the choice of our will radiates out in never-ending ripples of consequence. we drop a stone, that is our choice, and it has repercussions, good or bad, forever. if we make a series of good choices, life gets easier. but only until someone else’s will runs up against ours. is that God’s fault?

God allows free will and therefore, allows man to have his way. how much more just can an all-powerful being be? if He does indeed exist. how patient He is. it would be much easier to just take over and start again. i don’t see God as cruel. i see Him as ever-so merciful and gracious to give me several chances at life even though i destroy my body. and He also offers me infinite redemption, love, grace and forgiveness so long as i acknowledge that He is the one to grant those things.

i have no problem in doing that. i am grateful for that. it is a welcome respite from a cruel world.

Eye to Eye

Most of the time, on my medical courier route, I notice that many people avoid eye contact. When I walk into the hospital to deliver my labs, most of the doctors and nurses coming and going have their heads down and pointed at the ground, straight ahead, or usually, more often than not, pointed at a device.

They walk and talk, walk and swipe, or walk and text. I worry about some because they pay more attention to the screen than the pavement underneath them. Good thing they are very near a hospital.

I have started looking at my phone, too. Not as intently as most, but I’m still distracted. Plus, I enjoy not making eye contact. I have to force myself to look at people. And I typically find flaws when I really look at other people. Why don’t I look for the good? It’s just so easy to see the bad.

I struggle with trust. With past issues. With hating others. Always have. I look for the bad because I feel comfortable with that. I’ve seen so much bad, I’m kind of an expert on spotting f’d-up behavior. I’m not an emotional genius, more of a savant. I am intuitive, sensitive and have a keen sense of character. I’m a people watcher when they aren’t looking directly at me. I’m a watcher, not an engager. I became a student of behavior out of necessity, rather than innate talent. I mainly wanted to defend myself and understand my situation. For free. LOL

Today, I will smile. I have to reboot my thinking every once in a while. I will search out smiles and give them away for free. Willingly. Heartily. Sincerely. I will love others today. Even if they don’t return the favor. It’s a choice to see someone. Sometimes, a hard choice. And I will see the good.

Prepare Ye

from 2012:

i always assume that my nature is good. i never assume things will go bad. thus my constant failure at preparing my heart and mind for the day.

i should remember the temptation to lose my temper/mind is an ever-present danger. satan is a lion seeking to devour.

my guard against it is proper meditation and preparation. christian or not, if u enter into relationships with the world unprepared, you are destined to fail at loving someone else and giving them grace.

#Winning!

This is the face of a winner!!

Craigslisters can be awesome or cranks. It’s a lottery. And sometimes? You lose.

Someone just responded to an ad of mine and they were harsh and flippant. BUT! I responded with kindness, honesty, sincerity and directness.

And they had no response!! LOL

#Winning!

That felt great. Whenever I respond with equal measures of biting humor (which I have no shortage of), I feel terrible. Eventually. But this feels awesome!

Level up! 😀

jackpot

Jackpot!!! Ding, ding, ding!

Jesus is a Beaver

Hear me out. Er, read me out, I guess.

Jesus is a beaver.

If u wanna know what I’m talking about, you should watch “Leave It To Beavers” on Netflix. Great documentary. If you like animals.

Beavers come into really dry areas and restore the landscape. They bring water. Well, they don’t bring it, they save it.

Little by little, over time, they build their dams. Higher and higher, they build to keep the water in and make the beaver pond deeper and deeper. They churn up the bottom and drag the dirt, silt and sludge from the bottom and seal up the dam to make it tighter and tighter. Waterproof. So no water gets out. This also makes the pond deeper by scooping up the bottom. The deeper the pond, the less evaporation, so the water stays. More water brings more life. More vegetation, more fish, more food, more neighbors…MORE! The bigger the pond, the more neighbors, human and animal alike, can enjoy the benefits and fruits of the pond.

This is what Jesus does.

Doesn’t he?

He brings us more.

Piece by piece, we can build a strong place with Jesus. We can keep his life-giving water in (he says he is the eternal spring) and keep from running dry. He can scoop up the bottom of our lives and use it for good. All the muck and dirt that we accumulate over time, he can churn that up and use it.

And the deeper we go in Jesus? The greener our valley for others. Other people may benefit from the deep pond we have built with Jesus. We can share the fruits of our labor with our neighbors. We can share what we have built in Christ. We can save the landscape.

Beavers don’t even know they are helping. This is just what they are born to do. Build, build, build.

We can be beavers. We can engineer our lives so that we help others. We can be born to do that or become beavers over time. Little by little.

I wanna be a beaver.

Fragility of Choice

Beautiful weakness.

Question: If God created us, why didn’t he make us stronger, better, less susceptible to weakness and evil?

Answer (in the form of a question lol): If we can’t be tempted, how can we choose? If everything is easy, is that really a choice?

I think it’s beautiful to be weak. To struggle. To choose good, even though it’s hard. To fight the good fight of faith (1 Timothy 6:12). Even to fall. Because there is grace.

Question: If God created us, why did He have to save us?

Answer (maybe): God gave us a choice so that we may love Him freely and honor Him of our own choosing. Come to Him with freedom. Love Him because we want to. He knew that to give us choice, He would have to make us fragile. Capable of falling. But He gave us Christ because:
1. He loved us
2. He knew we would need help

So. We can stand on Christ alone if we fall. That’s gorgeous.

We are fragile. We are weak. We are beautiful.
We are wonderfully and fearfully made.
We are free. We are loved. We are saved.

Thoughts? Opinions? Insight?

Good News/Bad News

Bad News: You’ve been here before.

Good News: You’ve been here before.
So you know what not to do. And you’re still standing.
It’s going to be okay.


Good has gone away.
Bad has come to stay today.
Welcome good again.