“Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.”

It doesn’t say blessed are the poor in finance. It says poor in spirit.

Poor in spirit means that we ALL are spiritually bankrupt and are in need of spiritual currency. Not only bankrupt, because that would mean even, but DEEP in debt.
How many dollars have your parents given you to save your bacon before you could stand on your own two feet? Can you ever repay them?
That’s God’s love for us.
In Christianity, the currency is Jesus.
We all require Christ to know heaven. That’s what we believe.
All Christ means? All Christ stood for?
LOVE. Grace. Grace and love are the same thing.
Blessed are those who require LOVE, deal in LOVE, freely give LOVE. For they shall see heaven.
To forgive and be forgiven.
To live in peace.
We require grace because we continually get it wrong. Because we are human. Fallible.
We give grace because we want it and get it.
The whole of the law is LOVE.
I wanna be rich!

from 2016

this was from 2 years ago.

having a hard day already and wanted to remind myself…i have worth. i may be a pile of problems, but who isn’t? difficult people are a product of difficult circumstances.

I am 5’10”. I have broad shoulders and big bones. I have pale, gray eyes—a dark blue ring around the edge of my iris, gold-green rips bursting from the pupil. I have the same down-turned eyes and mouth as my mother, Grandma’s droopy, Buddha-like earlobes and doughy German cheeks. My dad left me his posture, his jaw and his poker face.

I am overweight. I have Shingles scars on my cheek, eye and temple and almost no upper lip. There’s a space in my bottom lash line where the lashes won’t grow. My forehead is beginning to fold. My cheeks are brown and freckled.

My hair is brown. Probably. Inside my head. Probably graying. I color my hair, so I wouldn’t really know. It’s usually blonde on the outside, sometimes red, sometimes pink. Short. Like a man’s would be. I keep it short because I have a deranged, panicky hormonal reaction to wisps of hair brushing the sides of my face. And because I have no thyroid (cancer). My hair misses that organ terribly. Refusing to grow from sadness and grief.

I am odd. Breathtaking. Unique.

I would say my eyes are my kindest feature.

They look deep inside. They search out truth, soft and certain truth. They search for the broken parts of others. They listen and wait. They are patient, sad and silent. They run at the drop of a hat and love so quickly. They never lie. They do not fail. They can always see what’s real.

I am still all these things. I still get sad. I still get mad. I had a hard day today, too. But I’m breathing. 200 lbs lighter. Healthier than I’ve ever been. Ever. And oh-so lavishly, undeservedly loved.

Isn’t it wonderful that we can be so flawed and loved so much. That is hope.


Such safety in that slang.
For namer and named.
Grace spoken, bread broken.
Taken for granted that wishes are granted.

What chemicals are released in your brain?
Been there since your birth.
Summed up all her worth.
In a word.

What has she done?
What has she left?
What did she conquer to make your paths straight?
Cannot separate word from feeling.

Her desires and feelings and thoughts and love
Have all been poured out over you.
Not one single second since you arrived
Has she considered not caring, not fighting, not existing for you.
Thank you, Ma.

Every Time Love

Every time I love
Instead of fear, mistrust, hate
I change my whole world

Love someone today
Not just claim, use up and trash
Find the rare treasure

Do unto others
Is impossible if I
Do not first love me

Go out of your way
Listen, praise, trust, risk it all
To reach one person

Samaritan man
Left his busy, blessed life for
A man left for dead


Lilli, my daughter, is pictured with multiple shades of hair color styled into a faux-hawk with YOLO glasses I made for her on the last day of school. LOL I LOVE this pic.
I wrote the following in January of last year for my daughter, but I think it applies to all women.

Don’t worry what people might say about how you look or what your voice sounds like. You know we (Mom & Dad) love you and we would never hurt you or be dishonest with you. We certainly wouldn’t misguide you. You can trust us when we say, your voice is important and beautiful. You’re special. God made you that way. If you didn’t stand out, no one would hear your voice or see your beauty! If someone doesn’t like it, they are either jealous or confused!

For all you ladies who might feel like you stand out, that’s not a bad thing!
Have a great Friday!!

Take Me Home

I swing my legs from the swaying dock
Forgotten every one of my dwindling flock

I lay in fields of golden, wet, honey wheat
Drink down dew from low, golden clouds I meet

I run in those hidden dark, green trees
Places I learned to be what I please

Ravines littered with softly-fallen sins
Redeemed by desire, baptized by might-have-beens

Hay dangles through cracks and creaky joists
I break pains and panes with the ghosts of your voice

Pains of the past
Panes of glass

I fly kites with the ribs of those rotting, white windows
Catch hope with faith and sinewy minnows

Display truth and let it cool on open-sashed sills
Smoke the winnows and billows of dogged wills

Clear to the rafters of this old barn
And to the ragged fence posts on Used-to-be Farm
I love you.

Hello! My name is Lowered Expectations!!

I first saw Princess Bride when it was released in 1987. I was in 9th grade. I fell in love with the movie, the words, Inigo Montoya.

That hair. That voice. That backstory though. Tragically romantic and he was available. LOL

Okay, so he had a drinking problem and was blinded by revenge. But I can change him! LOL

I just wanted to scoop him up and nurse him back to health. Just like Fezzik did. Inigo was heroic, noble and flawed. Loved it!

He’s still my favorite character.

Although, I had a tendency to fall for the side character in any story. It seemed much more plausible to actually have a relationship, not with the main (perfect) character, but their trusted sidekick. The one desperate for the lead’s cast-offs. Why would I aim for less than the best? Not sure. I mean it’s all a fantasy, right? Even in my dreams, I’m rationalizing. LOL

My daughter may suffer from the same plight. In Shape of Water, she fell for Dimitri. The lovable Russian spy/American doctor who ended up helping the aquatic couple. It’s genetic. We’re suckers for a foreign accent and flawed nobility. God help her.

My co-star! 😀 Finally found my lead in 1998.