312.4 lbs.

I had a very difficult month in July for weight loss. But I’m back to losing! I weigh 312.4 this morning. I’m down 7 lbs. this week so far and that feels great. I’m not exercising either. That’s the weird part. It’s strange not having to exercise to lose these pounds.

I do have to climb the stairs to our apartment several times a day. So maybe that’s helping. I haven’t been back on my bike lately because I have some strange foot pain. It feels a little gout-y, but I’m taking my gout medicine every day. I’m sure it will work out and I’ll be back on my bike in no time.

I really buckled down on sticking to no-calorie drinks and paying more attention to what I was eating, when I was eating it and how much. That’s paid off. It’s not just a matter of eating 3 squares. I have to space it out. Eat small meals. Slow down. Eat more protein. Take my time. Eat enough of the right kind of food. Sometimes I don’t eat enough! Recalibrate my diet and adjust! Get back to the basics. I know what to do, it’s easy though to slip back into old routines.

Glad to be going down again. I was getting a little nervous there. 🙂 Probably just one of those plateaus that we all hit and I had to bust through. Phew.

Weight loss since surgery=144 lbs.
Total weight loss since 2012=201 lbs!!! Can you believe it???

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Movement!

tips for lb loss^These are bad tips! Do not follow! LOL


Lost another 2 pounds. So I am 317.6!! I hate to say I’m fighting for every pound now, but I am. I’ve been stuck for several weeks. But I have to be honest with myself. I’m eating not so great.

Whenever I eat protein, it can have a tendency to tear my gut up. So I have backed away from the amount of protein I should be eating. I need to revert to protein-eating and whole foods.

It’s hard. I become complacent. I don’t always eat when I should, eat often enough or in the amounts that I should. Mostly, I have to eat small amounts because I can’t have large portions. But sometimes I would rather feel a little fuller and go longer without food than have to eat every 2 hours. I wouldn’t say I get hungry either. I get cravings. A hankerin’ for some food taste. I don’t get physically hungry any more. It’s weird!

But how often does a person actually feel hungry in a day? Like, actually hungry? Or do you just want savory flavors in your food hole?

I would be snacking all day if I ate a bite and nothing else. But that’s how I should be eating.

Eating 3 squares a day is what we all know. It’s what we all are accustomed to. It’s what we have time for! Our whole days are structured around breakfast, lunch, dinner. Right?

It’s hard to change. Hard to accept the change in thinking. It’s like quitting smoking and wondering what to do with your coffee break! LOL

Today, in an effort to change and stimulate my body and think outside the lunch box–I am eating whole foods. Edamame, cherries, apple, cup of coffee. No solid protein, just alternative protein like yogurt and fibrous protein-packed veg. No treats. No gummy bears, no low-fat/low-sugar candies, no chips, no cheese, no soda, no juice, no calorie drinks, no sugar. Except for whole-food fruits. I’m not even supposed to have that, but come on. Roasted veggies sound good. Baby organic carrots in the oven? Mmmm. Roasted-soft garlic? Yassss! It will, at least, keep the skeeters away. ;D

 

Present Tense

Here is a link to the video on Youtube. My daughter made the video when she was 10 yo. Thanks, Lil.


I am four years old.  They are fighting.  I don’t remember the words now, but they are yelling.  Fuzzy scenes, like cloudy dreams, blurring in and out of focus.  Down in the basement, in the laundry room, I hear hot voices and cold words.  I peek around the corner.  He pushes her down on the concrete floor.  She’s weak, flailing, grabbing with desperate hands.  She can’t resist.  She scrambles up when she sees that I’m there.  She stutters a lie through tears, “I’m okay.”  She says it certainly.  Forcefully almost.  But I see the truth in her eyes.  She’s scared and we both think she’s going to die.

My mother has long, dark hair.  She would look like a Native American mother warrior with her tan, lined face and downward-turned eyes/mouth except for her bangs.  She won’t wear her hair without bangs.  She fell out of a moving car when she was just five years old.

Her forehead is scarred from the accident.  It is a terrible mark.  It’s dull purple with blue and yellow streaks, permanently bruised somehow.  It has deep white ridges where the flesh comes together to hold back brains, blood and skull.  It looks as if the bone just under the skin is broken and could spill its contents from the slightest pressure.

I touch it as if it could bite me.  It is tough though, surprisingly and sufficiently.  It’s troubling, remarkable and totally unbelievable that someone could have such a scar and be walking around performing everyday tasks.

I’m staring up at her from the front seat of the car.  She’s seatbeltless.  Hair full of wind and eyes on the road.  Her fingers are wrapped around the thin metallic wheel.  Her forehead is rough, but her cheeks are feathery and thin, soft under my tiny hand.  When I trace her lips, she playfully snarls, bares her teeth and chomps at my fingers.  She has beautiful, somber eyes, full of pain and pensiveness.  She doesn’t often have a smile, but when she does, you know it’s for you and you know it’s for real.

She is five years old.  She is riding quietly in the backseat of the sedan.  She falls asleep.  Her hand, arm or knee gently releases the door latch.  Within a breath, she is inches from the road, ground rushing under her.  My grandmother, from the front seat, is holding her hand or arm so she won’t fall.  My grandfather is braking.  My mother will be crushed by the turning back tire unless Grandma lets go.

Grandma lets go.

Li’l Lil is taken to the hospital and that sickening cut at the top of her sadly-sweet baby face is her rippling flag of salvation.  Her never-ending experiment of bangs begins.  On some level, consciously or not, this must make her feel like a little girl for the rest of her life.  A scared, torn-up little girl who hides her secrets behind those bangs.  I know how she feels.

Dear Reader,

This is an excerpt from my book Present Tense.  It’s a very short, vignette-style memoir. Quick read with lots of imagery.  You can find the rest of my book Present Tense at amazon.com.  Here’s the link: Present Tense.  You can read for free with Kindle Unlimited.

Thanks for reading!


This was from Vol. 1. More of Vol. 2 later today!

in the teens, yo

I am in the 3teens!! I weigh 319.6 today! 😀 OMG! I am so stoked. I can’t believe it just keeps falling. I feel so lucky.

My belly has been a little flip-floppy over the last coupla days. Today is a little uneasy, but I’m still getting food down and it doesn’t come back up!

Where does all the fat go? Where is it coming from? I feel mostly like a deflating balloon because everything just looks smaller, not a different shape. When I was younger and lost weight, it was usually from my stomach. But I still have my big ol’ saggy meat apron. UGH!

Oh well. You’re my saggy meat apron, Meat Apron. *pats belly*

*covers Meat Apron’s ears* How do they even cut it off during surgery??! How could you stop the bleeding? How could it go back together??

I’m mainly thinking about skin surgery now because to reach goal I will have to have some of my skin removed because it weighs so much. Can I keep it? In a jar? Under the bed? LOL

I wanted to keep my thyroid or cancer nodules, but there was paperwork involved. Sorry, Thyroid. It was nice knowing ya. *trash*

And I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I will always love you

Gonna Getchu

I’ve explained to my husband several times. “I’m gonna getchu, Sucka!”

I’ve been threatening to catch up to his weight for a while. Idle threats from a 456+ lb. thyroid cancer victim.

“I got time!” he supposed.

Well. I’m here, Sucka!

I am at 321.4 today and I’m breathing down your neck, Guy! HEEHEE!

I’m a very competitive person when it comes to my husband. I think it’s because I’m an Aries. Or just a jerk.

I don’t like competing with strangers. Just my husband. It’s because I admire him so much and I want him to admire me. So I have to beat him. At everything. I’m so sorry, honey!

He is my equal. My peer. The funniest sonuvagun I’ve ever met. I want him to think the same. This is my Aries persona: I must best him. Crush him. NO! JK! I just want to impress the man. He’s hard to impress. Aries is attracted to someone who is better than they are, but then they try to outdo their partner. I’m just so crazy. Egomaniac.

Every time I update him with my weight loss, I see, at the same time, excitement and terror! He knows how close I am. He squeals with delight and sheer hole-puckering fright when I tell him how much I’ve lost every day. I love his glee and equal gloom.

Thanks, Guy. For helping me. Caring for me after surgery. Watching me suffer with your hands tied. Listening. Wiping my cold-sweaty brow. Sharing CPAP duties. Taking me to the ER when my guts were open to the world. For just staying. For almost 19 years. I love you so much, dear. You’re my sun, moon, stars. I don’t deserve you, but I’m thankful for you.

AND I am, in fact, coming for you. Get ready!

Before/Almost

Here’s my before and after. Almost! I am half way to my goal and I feel confident I’ll keep going down. Thanks to everyone who is supporting me. I’ve lost 189 lbs. 😀 Total from August 2012. That’s an entire obese person. Almost 200 lbs. lost. My most recent weigh-in=322.8.

The initial surgery was hard. It was very painful and frightening, but I feel so much better now that I’m glad I toughed it out. I have scars, but everyone has scars. Some are just more visible.

I finally found an undergarment that does a better job than a flimsy t-shirt sports bra. That helps. I feel so supported! lol

I’m not a supermodel. Never was. But I can see the difference. And most importantly, I feel it!

322.8

I keep forgetting to post today about my weight loss. I am at 322.8 today. So down a few this week!

I feel good. No major problems right now. Seem to be doing okay on my meds. It’s pretty stable right now and I’m thankful for a breather.

I’m in the 320s!! That feels great. I can’t believe I’m staring down the barrel at the 200s. 😀 Can’t wait!

I hope some nice, rich stranger or crazy reality TV show is willing to pay for my skin surgery. I would hope that the excess skin goes to good use. Like puppet-making or leather coat manufacturing. Don’t waste it!

I could make a killer handbag out of my gut meat apron. Is that weird??

Reduce, reuse, recycle. Right?

I don’t think this is any weirder than mothers eating their own placenta. Gah! Why?

Would you use liposuction soap? Soap made from the excess fat of humans? Sucked from their bodies? Made by Tyler Durden. lol

Sorry.

328.2

I weigh 328.2 today. 😀 I was stuck about a week ago at 338-9-ish. So to lose so much in just a week is crazy and amazing. Crah-mazing!

I feel like a petite flower. A saggy, deflated petite flower. lol

I haven’t been here in so long! I was this weight in high school!

Definitely thinking about skin surgery now. Just thinking though. If I get this job with full benefits, I might be able to get my excess-skin-ectomy paid for. That’d be awesome!

Sometimes, depending on the circumstances, insurance will pay for the surgery to remove the saggy skin. Depends on the amount of skin and whether or not it actually presents a problem. I think mine will ’cause there’s so much. It would also be nice to get a breast reduction/lift.

All of my weight has come off the top of me. Face, shoulders, back, neck and chestal area. lol I’m melting from the top down.

The old gray mare ain’t what she used to be. Never was.

Oh well. I just feel healthier! So IDC about any future surgeries. Come what may. I’m just thankful I’m here and feeling energetic!

328, Baby!! Woot!

Super Morbidly Obese

I am not obese. I am not morbidly obese. I am super morbidly obese. That title comes with a cape and tights. That no one wants you to wear.

#SuperMartha

I think superheros who are super morbidly obese have a hard time flying. My powers are eating. And being funny. Except now my Kryptonite is food. Can’t hardly eat anything any more. That’s okay. I still have that being funny thing.

I AM super morbidly obese, but just so. I am on the cusp of becoming just regular, old morbidly obese. Super morbid is 50 and above and I’m just at 50. That shouldn’t feel so good, but it does. I was at a 76 BMI. So, yeah. Lost 26 BMI points. Phew.

I’m about to lose my super. Then I’ll just be a plain-old hero. Right?

I’m okay with that.

It’s a bird! It’s a plane! NO! It’s Super Martha! Duh-tuh-ta-da! :*

 

346.0

Finally. I was stuck for a week. No matter! I am at 346.0 lbs today. So that’s awesome. That’s a total loss of 167+ lbs. I’m sure my ex-endocrinologist would correct me on that number, but I would cat-fight-scratch her eyes out if she dared to curl her lip or clear her throat to say a word! I have records, Dr. Lady!

I feel pretty good today. I have my ups and downs, but I think that’s living without a thyroid or gallbladder. The gastric bypass scars have healed nicely and are fading. My stomach is evening out a bit.

My energy is through the roof sometimes! That’s the most awesome-est thing so far. I want to actually do things and go places. I have to take it easy or take breaks sometimes, but for the most part, I’m doing good. I volunteered at my daughter’s school the other day and I couldn’t have done that just one year ago.

I feel like a human again. I can mom and housewife like I used to. I have goals again. I have my life back.

Hope everyone is having a great Monday! I sure am. 🙂