Super Morbidly Obese

I am not obese. I am not morbidly obese. I am super morbidly obese. That title comes with a cape and tights. That no one wants you to wear.

#SuperMartha

I think superheros who are super morbidly obese have a hard time flying. My powers are eating. And being funny. Except now my Kryptonite is food. Can’t hardly eat anything any more. That’s okay. I still have that being funny thing.

I AM super morbidly obese, but just so. I am on the cusp of becoming just regular, old morbidly obese. Super morbid is 50 and above and I’m just at 50. That shouldn’t feel so good, but it does. I was at a 76 BMI. So, yeah. Lost 26 BMI points. Phew.

I’m about to lose my super. Then I’ll just be a plain-old hero. Right?

I’m okay with that.

It’s a bird! It’s a plane! NO! It’s Super Martha! Duh-tuh-ta-da! :*

 

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Wishing on the Whoosh

I’m a whoosher.

Whooshing is when you lose weight in hunks. I’m not sure why. Someone, on a chat, said that you lose weight in chunks because first you lose fat, then the fat cell fills with water? Then you lose the water. Makes sense, but I have no idea if this is true.

Sounds plausible.

But I do, in fact, whoosh. I completely stalled last week and now I’m losing again. I think I’m totally stopped and then, all of a sudden, whoosh! I know plateaus are normal, but this is stranger than a plateau. I’ll get stuck, then I’ll lose 5 to 10 lbs in just a matter of days. To me, a plateau is more of a 2-3-week situation. I’ve only hit one true plateau so far. So that’s a relief.

Don’t get me wrong! I will take it! Just wish I understood the whoosh.

Ever since I had weight loss surgery, I’m whooshing like crazy. It was more steady at first though. I was losing every day. Now I lose every few days, but I still drop like a rock. I’m sure that’s normal.

Anybody else whoosh?? Just curious.

Side note. My daughter used to play Super Mario Brothers (so did I, shhh). The character named Boo (the ghost) was super creepy and ridiculous. We were stuck on a level and joking around one day. After Boo kept swooping down and killing her (us), I said, “Whoosh ’em in the Boo-hoo.” And she lost it. LOL Now that’s a silly little inside joke. We don’t bust with that often, but when we do, it’s hysterical.

I think Boo is whooshing the scale for me. LOL 😉

Only Dogs Like to Eat Alone

My mom told me not to pet the cat or dog when they were eating.

“Why?”

“They don’t like it,” she summed up. “They’re territorial.”

Whatever that meant. I was only 5 or so. Just don’t do it. Got it.

I never really had a pet that I took care of. Our family had dogs and cats of the outside variety. No perfectly-quaffed poodles or sofa Shih Tzus. We had one indoor cat and one indoor dog before I turned 7. But Tiger ran away and Kelly the Collie up and died. The other animals?

We had a stray named Frisky. He was a tan, lean mutt from our country neighborhood. He stayed outside and my parents fed him scraps. He stuck around, occasionally let us pet him and hooked up with another pup. She was a mutt as well with doberman coloring. Black with brown brows and tips. She gave birth to over 27 puppies during her short life and we had an unintentional puppy mill under our porch.

The dogs got sick, some came down with Parvo (or that’s what I was told), some were shot because they teased our horses (One was caught nibbling at a run-down horse, meaning-some dog(s) or coyote had run the horse to death and then one of our dogs gnawed at its carcass. True!), some ran off. And at some point, we no longer had any dogs. I don’t know what happened to all of them. I really don’t.

We lived on a small farm. Dogs were expendable and unconsidered. Just a fact of life. I didn’t start caring for animals until I met my husband’s cats for the first time. I don’t mean to write so callously about these dogs, but I was a child and nobody asked my opinion as to the condition, well-being or healthcare of said animals. I can see now, it was a problem.

However, for their brief life, they ate well. Mom and Dad threw leftovers, scraps, meat, bones, gravy, dog food in their bowl on the hill. Also, there was an all-you-can-eat mouse buffet under the house for our cats; the occasional rabbit for the dogs. I didn’t understand or research the eating habits of domesticated beasts. That was above my paygrade. And in the 80s? No interwebs. Even if there had been, my parents wouldn’t have sprung for the luxury of computer connectivity.


Do you like to eat alone?


When it comes to eating, I get it, dogs and cats are in it to win it. The biggest mouth gets most of the food. And everybody knows it. You better be cool with that or risk a fight over vittles. Big dog on the porch always wins.

But thankfully, people are not territorial. We don’t push each other away from the bowl. We don’t have to eat shoulder-to-shoulder in a trough of slop. We all get our own individual portion of the beautifully-baked pie. But after weight loss surgery, my pie’s a little different.

Fixing dinner for your family after weight loss surgery kinda sucks. Knowing that you can’t enjoy what you’re preparing because you’re nervous about the outcome makes eating not as enjoyable as it once was. Whipping up a dinner or meal for others isn’t much fun if you can’t really taste it.

I try to make healthy meals, but it’s difficult. The flavor can suffer sometimes from a lack of salt or sugar or calories. That’s okay, but it is an unsatisfying task to cook for others and only provide a hot meal, not a delicious one.

I’m learning to accept it, but it’s so ingrained in my sex and culture. I am learning to eat on my own. Not share in indulgences. Eat my own menu. Savor my healthy cooking. Walk away in the middle of dinner. Allow others to prepare their own choices. Find recipes that satisfy taste and health. But it’s a lonely road to walk sometimes. I miss shared meals and food experiences. I miss connecting over food. It was a large part of my life. The biggest. Sad, but true.

Cooking and eating have been my favorite things. Food and taste and savory meals, those are my bedrock of love. My husband agreed to marry me mainly for my ability to bake an authentic Italian lasagna. Ricotta, not cottage cheese. LOL

My meatloaf was once described as crack. Highly addictive. But I can’t make meatloaf like I used to. Secret ingredient: Dale’s Seasoning. Which has twice the amount of sodium found in regular table salt. Two times more sodium than SALT, which is sodium!

Bad, Meatloaf! Bad!

Salt is toxic. Salt lead to my first round of heart failure. Salt is consumed at 2 to 3 times the amount we should have daily. With my surgery, I am eating significantly less of everything, including salt. So I’m able to put back in some of the sodium I reduced over the years. But I don’t want my family to have it either.

How do I love my family without food?

I have to release the burden/blessing of providing food and find my worth as a mother or wife by providing other things. What are those things though?? LOL I am trying to allow my daughter to have some control over food choice and prep. That’s hard, but she’s ready and able. I have to let go of her apron strings because she long ago dropped mine. I can provide her with self-sufficiency and independence. Those things are much more valuable than meatloaf.

My worth is found in another bowl. A water dish of my own. The one with my name on it. And I don’t have to share it with anyone.

I know there’s a balance to strike. I know that. I’m learning. I’m finding that balance. It’s just hard to change your whole lifestyle on a dime. But I am learning to eat like a dog. By myself. From my own special dish of value and worth.

357.6

Just a quick update on my weight. This morning I weighed 357.6 lbs.

Stats:

On 8-10-2012, I weighed 513+ lbs.
Lost 101+ lbs by March 2014.
Got sick, had thyroid cancer, two bouts of heart disease, gained approx. 40 lbs. back due to inability to stabilize thyroid hormone replacement. I didn’t know it at the time, but for 2 years I was battling heart problems, thyroid failing and gallbladder failing. I was up against my own body and trying like a crazy person to lose weight. I worked out multiple times a week for hours at a time and the whole while?? I was bound to fail. Thankfully, finally, I dealt with all my issues (with the help of many doctors) and now I’m losing with the aid of WLS. It’s a tool! It can help you succeed.

On 11-28-2016, I weighed 456+ lbs.
Started liquid protein for liver-reduction diet, lost approx. 30 lbs. in 2 weeks.

On 12-12-2016, I went in for weight loss surgery.

On 1-12-2017, just one month later, I went in for gallbladder removal surgery. Gallbladder had failed. My gallbladder had probably been failing for years! Since Lilli (my daughter) was a baby. 🙂

So, just since last Thanksgiving, I’ve lost 99 lbs. 😀 In just over 4 months.

Since August 10, 2012, I’ve lost a total of 156! OMG!

I have to say, if you can’t lose weight on your own, or you’re struggling HARD, then please consider surgery. My surgeon was the best. Truly. Stanley Hoehn at The Bariatric Center of KC.

There’s a waiting list, lots of patients, lots of hoops to jump through. But that’s because they are the absolute best. Maybe in the country. Maybe the world. My friend is actually considering revision through them for a decades-long battle with her first surgery. They can help.

I’m not gonna lie. If you read my blog, you’ll know I went through hell. HELL. But I was going through hell to begin with. I finally feel normal again and I feel better than I have in over a decade.

Do it. If it’s right for you. How much is your life worth? How much is your body worth? How much is your health worth? This can change everything.

My only regret?
Not having done it sooner.

I went to Hoehn ten years ago and I was afraid. I wasn’t ready. I needed to get ready. But I’m so glad I finally went!! I have my life back.

MiO

Okay, don’t know why. But I can’t drink straight water since my weight loss surgery. I even asked the doctor about it and he said, “Yeah, it’s just one of those weird things about surgery. Other patients have the same complaint.” Which is something you never want your doctor to say.

I have tried tap water, ice water, bottled water, all kinds of water. I can’t drink water. 😦 It makes my stomach hurt for some reason. Like I’m going to puke it right back up.

BUUUT! (that’s a big but) if I put Mio in my water, I can drink it. ??? No problems. So I tried MiO Berry Blast with B vitamins and electrolytes. So good! I need to drink more water, so this helps. I don’t like ingesting chemicals or artificial flavors/colorings all the time, but it’s better than being dehydrated. And it’s better than soda (not supposed to have carbonation, stretches out the stomach) or guzzling tea and/or Gatorade.

So, cheers! Here’s to hydration, no-calorie drinks and getting skinny healthy! *Clink*

Thank You!

Thanks to everyone who has supported me. Read my blog. Cheered for me. Sweat with me. Held my hand, head, heart. Thanks to all you lovely, soft-hearted people.

Not everyone has been supportive. Some people, some family, some friends have been selfish or misguided. But I can’t control that. Nor do I want to. Just keep movin’.

Most of all, thank you to Sarah! I met her earlier this year. She had the same weight loss surgeon and was the main reason I decided to move forward. I met her in a restaurant the day before my last diet attempt on my own. That was to be my “last meal” before buckling down. She showed me her scars from surgery. She didn’t have to do that. She was our waitress*. She was brave to let us in. She was brave to get surgery. I owe her, my doctor and my husband my life.

She’s giving me her old clothes that don’t fit any more. She’s my inspiration. Thank you, Sarah. Can’t wait to catch up with you. 🙂 You look great. I owe you so much. More than I can repay. You rock.

*The fact that my waitress was a recent weight loss surgery patient on the day I decide to give dieting one last try before weight loss surgery is pretty freaking cool of God, the Universe and Destiny!