Halloween

I know it’s over 2 months away, but I found this old picture from film photography class.

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And I just love it. Love the contrast and blurry flower urn background.

Here’s a spooky collage for all you costume-wearing, scary-loving weirdos!

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Here’s a weird dream to boot.

I have a recurring dream–(no, not the “I’m in a store and I’m naked and I need clothes, but I don’t have any money” dream)

The house I’m living in is sinking. The foundation is giving way. Everything is all crooked. I’m usually in the kitchen.

The key to fixing the problem, which is usually a floor that is so slanted you cannot stand or walk, is to find a secret room that is desperately in need of repair. (No, I get it. Believe me.)

We tear down the secret room and find out we have all this extra space. (No, really. I get it.)

Don’t think you have to be a therapist to figure this one out. The secret room is in my brain and if I just tear down all the junky old stuff? I can make room for new relationships and new materials and new, safe, secure building blocks for a solid life.

It’s not a nightmare, just gives me this really uneasy feeling, unsettled, anxious, like I have to fix the problem immediately. Having a house where the foundation is crumbling leaves me feeling very nervous, worried.

But I’m tired of living with everything off kilter. :/


Plus. Here’s a ghost story. Spooky! Footsteps on the Stairs

What are you wearing for Halloween?? Got any juicy ghost stories you want to share on my blog? I’ll host your ghost post on my site!

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Dappled

We went out to look at the partial eclipse just an hour ago. Picked Lilli up from school and headed over to the library.

They had the special glasses to look directly at the sun. It was mildly interesting. Nothing to blog about. BUT! this part was cool.

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And here’s another one.

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Yes, those are palm tree frond shadows. And the dappling inside the palm fronds? Small crescent-shaped sun-moons–partially-eclipsed miniature suns. Cool!

Hope everyone enjoyed the eclipse. My Missouri friends were undoubtedly in line with the total eclipse! What time was your totality, Missouri?? Did you watch? Celebrate? Take pix? Burn out your retinas?

The lighting got weird here. Shadows were crispy sharp and everything seemed like it was just a weird shade of bright. Like white instead of yellow. Like God flipped on the overhead fluorescent. LOL

In honor of the eclipse today–> Literal Lyrics of Total Eclipse of the Heart and this–> Da-Doo!

Beautiful Banyan

Banyan trees
Storybook greens
Fairies reside
In your village of leaves

If I were a child
I’d be lost in your places
Playing for hours
In your cracks and spaces

I sink like stones
Pleasure in your groans
Strange beauty of your bones
In this place I am known

Cradled by your arms
Rocked by your shade
Sing me to sleep
In sheets of memories made

There is peace here
Though stillness is rare
Protection from fear
Relief from care

Thank you, Banyan
I’m inspired by your reach
Exposing your roots
Is a graceful way to teach

 

Heart for Sale

This heart’s on sale.
Nobody’s buying.
Discounted deeply
Because it’s dying.

It’s been around the block
Beat-up and hard-used
It needs an overhaul
But everyone’s refused.

It needs a careful owner
Someone who knows hearts
Not a casual mechanic
Who doesn’t have extra parts.

I’ve tried to fix it myself
But I’m helplessly confused
I don’t know how to mend
This heart that’s been abused.

If you’re looking for fresh and new
And something that isn’t well-worn,
Then this heart is not for you
Or the love that it has borne.

Wooden Fence is Broken

If you walk this path,
The fence is broken.
Wood is rotting.
Hurt is spoken.

On this side,
Weeds grow tall.
Rails are split.
No flowers at all.

I don’t mind disrepair
And it doesn’t seem to fix.
But love wanders away from me
If I’ve got no tools or bricks.

I’m tired of trying
To mend this fence.
It’s hopeless work.
It doesn’t make sense.

I try again to build it up–
Have something strong.
But people come to kick it down,
Tell me that I’m wrong.

I’m done trying to mend it.
Best to let it fall.
After all, what’s a fence?
If not just another wall.

Now if you walk this path,
The fence has been removed.
The hurt is still securely there,
But the land is much improved.

Eating Popsicles in the Bathtub

Eat your treat in the tub, please.
That should make clean-up a breeze.

It’s okay if your pop drips.
It’s okay if you’ve got messy lips.

You’ve chewed the flavor clear to the stick!
Splinters on the tongue if you take one more lick.

Just don’t leave your wooden handle
On top of my aromatherapy candle.


Old pic of Lilli-2009. Another shot for film photography class. Love this shot. Candid. And I like the composition as well. It’s a bit washed out, but I don’t mind. 🙂 I like the contrast of the dark shower wall and her dark features with the bright, white tub and curtain.

For My Cowgirl

The picture on the post is Lilli wearing my dad’s old straw cowboy hat.


Before I had a girl,
I thought she’d steal my husband’s heart.
I was scared of sharing,
Expecting battle from the start.

What I didn’t know
Is that she stole my heart instead.
I wanted Dad to heap
Love and kisses on her head.

My daughter is my strength.
She’s taught me more than I could teach.
She’s my tough defender
When I’m sick or sad or weak.

She’s my will, she’s my power.
She’s my endless, eternal drive.
She’s the reason I get up.
She’s the reason I’m still alive.

Before I had a girl,
I didn’t understand
How much I’d love another girl.
I’m her biggest fan.


Love you, Cowgirl.

Schpider!

spiderDon’t look, Dad!
It’s a terrible sight!
If you can’t see him,
It’ll save you a fright.

I’ll protect you.
Don’t worry now.
I can tame spiders.
Mom taught me how.


Lilli and Dad at the Kemper Museum of Contemporary Art in 2009. She was 6. We were being goofy and I thought this would be a funny picture for my black and white film photography class.

New Questions

Buckets on a Barefoot Beach nominated me for an award. These are new questions, so I wanted to answer them. Plus, tag her because her blog is cool. I’m not following the rules, but I don’t mind. Do you? 🙂 LOL

  • What is your favorite time of day? Blogging time. 🙂
  • If you could trade cell phones with someone for a day, who would you choose? No one! I like my phone and its amount of calls. LOL Maybe I would trade with the Dalai Lama? LOL Or the pope. Or some Australian outback rancher?
  • Which musician would you sing karaoke with? Tom Waits? I’m assuming I could keep up and not sound horrible. Plus, he sings a song with my name in it–Martha. Plus, he’s not a bad actor.
  • Which fictional character would you have tea with? Mad Hatter? LOL How about Atticus Finch?
  • Which historic figure (someone who has been dead at least 20 years) would you like to have as a teacher? Jesus.
  • If you were going to spend the afternoon with some spokesperson from a commercial, who would you choose? Matthew McConaughey (Lincoln commercial) Alright, alright, alright!
  • If your life was a TV show, what genre would it be? Reality. LOL
  • Where would you NOT host a secret meeting? McDonald’s
  • If you were a TV weather forecaster, what would you call your show? Meteorology with Martha
  • Which historical figure would you play a board game with? Gandhi
  • If you had speech bubbles (like a superhero), what color would the text be? Black (I’m Batman.)

I Heart You

Science book illustrations taught me that the heart doesn’t look like the symbol we all
know and draw. It looks like a wadded up dish rag. A fist-shaped muscle, an engine valve on a sports car. But it actually does look like that candy box of chocolate, sometimes.
It looks like a heart when it contracts. It squishes down and forms that cutesy, homemade Valentine’s Day card.
That’s when the heart is empty. No blood. Well, very little.
It squeezes in and squirts out all the juice. So basically, the heart has to work to look like a heart.
If it just lays there and doesn’t do anything, it just looks like a big pile of silly putty.
My heart wasn’t working. It was tired. I abused it. I was dying. August 2012, I was diagnosed with congestive heart failure at the age of 39.

I could blame everyone else. I could. But I’m the one who starved it. Beat it up. Ignored the fading pulse of life.


So we put the heart in place of love, right? Mary loves John. ❤

We put a heart there. So you wanna know my theory regarding love?
You can only know what love looks like when you actually use your heart. Take a risk. Go out on a limb. Love someone first. Flex that muscle.
We can’t know love until we lay our heart on the line. Our heart isn’t alive until we use it.
A heartbeat. EKG. Charted heartbeats on graph paper. Highest of highs and the lowest of lows. Up and down and everywhere in between. Sharp waves of life beeping out over a loud machined monitor.
And what does it look like when there’s no more breath or blood? A flat line.
Nothing’s happening. You’re dead.
I would rather have the high peaks and low valleys. Rather than dead. Rather than flat, silent space.
A heart at rest can’t do anything. You can’t love passively. A heart in action gives life. A big, pumping, flesh-and-blood organ races at the sight of food, flesh, fear. Love. Beauty.

A heart on fire makes things happen.


My heart is getting stronger. Every day.