Wild

from 2013:

when Brain and Heart are not in agreement, the stress is immense.

worry and fear take over. completely.

God and his word tell us not to worry. let tomorrow worry for itself.

how do you make the heart run like the mind? or mind like heart?

or make either run after/for God?

my answer would be, for myself, to myself, pray.

pray for the desire of God’s will. always. until his will is my desire automatically.

Buddhism-4 noble truths-suffering is universal, desire is suffering, stop wanting things, suffering will end

stop putting things in the place where God should go.

train your brain, Martha. and your heart.

the heart is wild, but so can our desire be for God.

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Dolly Llama

So I did a really silly series except I only did one or two. So it’s not technically a series. Yet. So I’m coming back to those. This one (below) is Llama Doorjamb (Spoof of Lama Dorje from Little Buddha, one of my favorite movies. It’s not the best acting, think Chris Isaak, but it’s a great look at Buddha and his story). My daughter, Pencil Princess, drew him. He’s so friggin’ cute. She drew it several months ago, but it didn’t scan properly and we didn’t have time to go back and rescan.llama doorjamb.jpg

I mean NO disrespect to any Buddhists, Tibet or the Dalai Lama. In fact, the opposite. I have found many things in Buddhism that reinforce my Christian faith and help me overcome my weaknesses.

Things like, when a wave or storm comes at you, don’t be overwhelmed. Anticipate the wave, accept the wave, overcome the wave, be the wave, understand the wave. Help others who are drowning. And suffering. Stop suffering by letting go of needless desire. All very good advice and here is where Buddhism and Christianity overlap. How to be a better Buddhist, Christian, person.

This llama has that Bill Murray pout, the one he had in Caddyshack. I love it. Murray has that speech about talking with the Dalai Lama and reaching enlightment? He ends his brag with “So, I got that goin’ for me.”

This is my catchphrase as of late. Whenever I say something that sounds braggy or lame such as:

I just leveled up in Toy Blast!

or

Today, I didn’t almost-crap my pants!

I always follow those phrases up with “So, I got that goin’ for me.” in that sideways-Bill-Murray voice. And it always makes me happy to think of it.


So I usually dole out some silly wisdom or joke in these little asides. It’s more of a poem for my nugget of wisdom with a touch of silliness, and oh-so true for me lately:

I never thought it would happen.
But.
Turns out?
I’m an optimist!

LOL, this might be a new take on an old joke, but it’s how I’m feeling today.


Feel good about yourself today. No one else might! 🙂

Sore

This morning I was really struggling with paralyzing doubt. But I blogged it off. 🙂 I wrote a poem. The emotional equivalent, for me, of pulling one’s self up by the proverbial boot straps.

Dealing with doubt. Doubt that I can be on top of my potential. Doubt that I will get a job in the profession that I chose 12 years ago. The profession that I entered at 32, went back to school for at 36, and at 44, the profession in which I’ve never had much success.

Doubt that I will ever be known. Doubt that I will ever be the person God wants me to be. Doubt that I can write with any caliber. Doubt that I have any value whatsoever.

Doubt that I can offer the world anything at all. Or worse yet, doubt that the world, when met with my offerings, will ever accept or understand me.

Fear, doubt, self-hatred. Shame, guilt, remorse. It’s been coming to a slow boil for days. Plus, I have a horrible headache from bumping my head yesterday. Very painful, sore arms and just a lethargy that I cannot shake. Whenever I feel physical pain in the company of depression or anxiety, I become very vulnerable and weak.

Physical pain aside (because what can you do except take a Tylenol and ice it down?), the author of the negativity is not God. The authorship deserves co-credit. Me. The world. Satan.

You can’t believe lies if you write them down. The power of the past disintegrates as pen touches paper. Or fingers touch keys. Lies evaporate when met with the truth of God’s words.

Don’t doubt. God, self or what’s been promised.

Jer 29:11 NIV
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Don’t listen to lies. Wasted energy that could be used for pursuing your dreams. Or healing your bumps. 🙂

I have better things to do. And writing turned my whole day around. Super productive and feeling cheerful now. Still sore, but happy. Who woulda thunk?