Such safety in that slang.
For namer and named.
Grace spoken, bread broken.
Taken for granted that wishes are granted.

What chemicals are released in your brain?
Been there since your birth.
Summed up all her worth.
In a word.

What has she done?
What has she left?
What did she conquer to make your paths straight?
Cannot separate word from feeling.

Her desires and feelings and thoughts and love
Have all been poured out over you.
Not one single second since you arrived
Has she considered not caring, not fighting, not existing for you.
Thank you, Ma.



You needed me
Don’t get it twisted
This jumped-up General
Thinks I’m enlisted
You drafted me
For your war
But I’m no soldier
I’m so. much. more.

When I fight
It’s with word
Bombs of truth
Never heard
I can end your world
With strikes of keys
Attack me again
You’ll be on your knees

Lucky for you, I’m a pacifist.


Lilli, my daughter, is pictured with multiple shades of hair color styled into a faux-hawk with YOLO glasses I made for her on the last day of school. LOL I LOVE this pic.
I wrote the following in January of last year for my daughter, but I think it applies to all women.

Don’t worry what people might say about how you look or what your voice sounds like. You know we (Mom & Dad) love you and we would never hurt you or be dishonest with you. We certainly wouldn’t misguide you. You can trust us when we say, your voice is important and beautiful. You’re special. God made you that way. If you didn’t stand out, no one would hear your voice or see your beauty! If someone doesn’t like it, they are either jealous or confused!

For all you ladies who might feel like you stand out, that’s not a bad thing!
Have a great Friday!!

from 2016

i know some people question God. God is cruel, they say. or “where is God?” i think the question should be more, “is God fair and just?” and to this i say, yes.¬†God is perfectly just. no action can go without consequence, our actions and/or other people’s actions. those are the rules whether u believe in God or not. those are the rules whether God exists or not. the choice of our will radiates out in never-ending ripples of consequence. we drop a stone, that is our choice, and it has repercussions, good or bad, forever. if we make a series of good choices, life gets easier. but only until someone else’s will runs up against ours. is that God’s fault?

God allows free will and therefore, allows man to have his way. how much more just can an all-powerful being be? if He does indeed exist. how patient He is. it would be much easier to just take over and start again. i don’t see God as cruel. i see Him as ever-so merciful and gracious to give me several chances at life even though i destroy my body. and He also offers me infinite redemption, love, grace and forgiveness so long as i acknowledge that He is the one to grant those things.

i have no problem in doing that. i am grateful for that. it is a welcome respite from a cruel world.

Eye to Eye

Most of the time, on my medical courier route, I notice that many people avoid eye contact. When I walk into the hospital to deliver my labs, most of the doctors and nurses coming and going have their heads down and pointed at the ground, straight ahead, or usually, more often than not, pointed at a device.

They walk and talk, walk and swipe, or walk and text. I worry about some because they pay more attention to the screen than the pavement underneath them. Good thing they are very near a hospital.

I have started looking at my phone, too. Not as intently as most, but I’m still distracted. Plus, I enjoy not making eye contact. I have to force myself to look at people. And I typically find flaws when I really look at other people. Why don’t I look for the good? It’s just so easy to see the bad.

I struggle with trust. With past issues. With hating others. Always have. I look for the bad because I feel comfortable with that. I’ve seen so much bad, I’m kind of an expert on spotting f’d-up behavior. I’m not an emotional genius, more of a savant. I am intuitive, sensitive and have a keen sense of character. I’m a people watcher when they aren’t looking directly at me. I’m a watcher, not an engager. I became a student of behavior out of necessity, rather than innate talent. I mainly wanted to defend myself and understand my situation. For free. LOL

Today, I will smile. I have to reboot my thinking every once in a while. I will search out smiles and give them away for free. Willingly. Heartily. Sincerely. I will love others today. Even if they don’t return the favor. It’s a choice to see someone. Sometimes, a hard choice. And I will see the good.


Don’t mistake my meek for weak
I won’t just give you my other cheek
These stone-cold eyes won’t leak
At the hate you speak
I’ve seen times more bleak
Than this havoc you wreak
I won’t break my beak
Cracking that rock you seek
Can’t knock me off my peak
I’m an old-school, high-flying flag of a freak
One-uva-kind, utterly unique
Polished-up relic, pedestal’d antique
Here begins my winning streak


We are not convicted by pastors and preachers. We are not convinced by bible-thumping, church-going and rule-following. We are introduced to the power of Christ over our dinner tables, in our bedrooms, on the street corners. We are tugged at by common images we see over and over that we know and feel deep down are against God’s love. The little girl who is abused, the old man who is cold and alone, the adult who has been abandoned and misguided. We are convicted by hand-holding, grace-giving and life-living. We are not motivated by anger or fear, we are pushed forward by compassion and understanding. We are compelled by the Holy Spirit. His presence in our lives is only possible if we make a home for him. If we clear out the clutter of the world and prepare a place for him to dwell.

Prepare ye the way of the Lord.

Mark 1:3 New Living Translation
He is a voice shouting in the wilderness, ‘Prepare the way for the LORD’s coming! Clear the road for him!'”

This can be a metaphor for our lives. Clear the mind, body and soul for him to do his work through us. As Jesus moved through the crowd to perform miracles in his time, he does that now as well. He moves through us, from person to person, performing miracles through the kindness of outreach. His presence is here. His presence is love. We need only open our eyes to it.

Paper Hearts

Paper hearts
Hung by a string
Ripped apart
Torn and dangling

Beautiful banner battered
Fluttering and tattered
Hearts on display
Like it’s Valentine’s Day

Easily broken
Not unlike mine
Withered words unspoken
Clinging to the vine

See you around
I’ll be here on the ground
Picking up the scraps
And pulling bootstraps