Crazy White Lady

I am a middle-aged white woman who has every advantage a person could have. I was born in America. I’m white. I’ve never hungered a day in my life. In fact, I was super morbidly obese for 10 years of my life. Just morbidly obese for the other 35.

I’ve never been so poor that I couldn’t buy food. Only one day did I wonder about dinner. No food. No paycheck. And the long weekend to make it to money. And even at that low point, my husband went to our local food pantry and got enough to fix dinner for a few days. A friendly, benevolent nun gave us pasta and sauce. Humiliating as that was, we ate dinner with our school-age daughter. And we were so very thankful. We were full on grace.

I’ve been struggling this week. Last Friday, I was accepted for a mission trip to Israel. I rejoiced at being chosen, but immediately became worried after the joy subsided. I would have to raise the money for my trip.

I’ve never been good about asking others for money. I struggled with paying my medical bills, but hesitated in asking others outside of my family for help. So crowdfunding made me squeamish, but missions are something that I’ve wanted to do since I was 16. Go to another part of the world and help those in need.

I know you might say, “Martha, we have need in this country.” And I would say yes. But we also have overweight poor people. The need in this country is real. But even our poor people live better than most in other parts of the world. Even our poor people are among the 1 percent. THAT’s the truth. Being poor in America doesn’t automatically mean death. Being poor in other countries can mean starvation. Being poor can mean a violent or untimely death.

I need to raise ~$3500. The supplies for this trip are already provided for, but I need to get myself there, to help. But first, by Monday, I need to raise $500 to reserve my spot. GAiN is supporting me and encouraging me to keep trying, they want and need me there. I can serve in so many ways on this trip. But I need that $500 to reserve my travel. If I don’t have it, this journey ends here.

At 4:10 am, Tuesday morning, just this past week, I woke up in a NyQuil/Benadryl-induced fog because I’ve been very sick. Trying to write, work and raise money for a trip has been tricky. At 4:10 am, I didn’t want to be awake, but my eyes popped open. And a realization washed over me. It was God’s voice because there’s no way that I would have this thought.

God, carefully pulling me close, grasping my attention and pajama collars, whispered softly into my stinging eyes, “Martha. You’ve been worried. Terrified. About money. You don’t know how you will provide for this trip halfway around the world. You’re scared. You feel alone. You feel forgotten. Forsaken. You’ve only experienced that for a few days. NOW, my dear child, you have some small understanding of what these people I want you to care about face every single day of their lives.”

And I fell back into my dreamy, warm covers. Broken and blown away.

I can’t tell you why this crazy white lady wants to go to the Holy Land. I can’t justify it. Other than to say, I’m following God’s heart. And that plane is going with or without me.

If this trip dies here, it dies here. I don’t want it to though.

God, if you want it to happen, you will provide. I know that. Thank you for opening my tired, sick American eyes, at the very least. I’m going to run after you, every chance I get.


Please consider giving. GAiN for Martha Maggio. There’s more info about my trip and who we’ll be serving. If every one of my followers gave even $1, I could meet my immediate goal. Thanks!

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Pee! The world’s on fire.

My only brother, 11 years older than me, used to sleep in late. As teens do. After being out late with his friends, he would sleep late. Also, at one point, I think he worked evenings or nights at a local gas station, so he might have been sleeping during the day for that reason.

Well, my father creeps into the hallway with an impish grin. He was in a goofy, manic phase and holds down the smoke detector test button.

BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!

Except, our alarm was louder and more terrifying. Enough to make you piss your pants.

At the same time, my dad hollers down the hallway, “Pee! The world’s on fire!” Laughing his country-ass off. (One of his favorite sayings was, “I work my country ass off!” I still say that. So does my husband. LOL My husband does a perfect impersonation of my father, even though they never met, mainly because I say it exactly the way my dad used to. Love it.)

My brother comes running out of his bedroom, his long, usually-perfect, feathered hair tousled from sleep and his eyes barely open. His eyes quickly narrow even further at the sight of my dad and the rest of the family giggling maniacally.

He did not pee. He was pissed though! I think my dad just wanted him up and out!

Good times.

Sunset and Missing Missouri

I moved from KC, MO to Florida just over a year ago. I still miss it from time to time, even in paradise. You can only take so many palm trees before you look at them like oaks. But it’s better living off-island and near a river now! And I see pines from our place.


Watching the sunset over seas
Enjoying tropical island breeze
Is heaven

But watching this sun set behind the trees
Brings me to my thankful knees
It’s home

These trees give some permanance
To these limitless firmaments

Sailing from every temporal shore
Can leave a wanderer wanting more

Grounded with grass and pines in the yard
Make living in paradise not so hard LOL

Love Letter

A note I wrote  my hubby for our anniversary a few years ago (sensual, not sexual):

To Guy:

I love to touch you in the morning
Our bodies soft and warm from the blankets
I run my fingers over your chest and jaw
I stare at your round, red lips
You are beautiful
I am so thankful for your body and heart
Which save me over and over from desperate loneliness and desire
I love you
You are special
Thank you for saving me
I thank God your mine
Happy Anniversary #16

Love, Martha


I am lucky to have known love so completely. Unconditionally. So faithfully. I don’t take it for granted. Coming up on 20 years!


If I were to live a thousand years,
I would belong to you for all of them.
If I were to live a thousand lives,
I would want to make you mine in each one.

–Michelle Hodkin, The Evolution of Mara Dye

Model Behavior

gangly legs dangle
hanging at strange angles
new-fangled angels
spangled and strangled
littered with bangles
privileged with physical advantage
yet starving for life without baggage
damaged and ravaged
mangled and managed
with makeshift bandages
wrangle your courage
disentangle this bondage
dissolve this marriage
to branded, handled beauty

Your Face Here

Your face goes here.
Doing what you fear.
Healing an injured ear.
Wiping every tear.
Making the most of years.
Keeping faith near.
Sweeping the path clear.
Changing this whole sphere.
Shouting for the back to hear.
Ready for God to appear.

Your face goes here.

martha jesus


Galatians 2:20 NIV

20 I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me…

End of the (this) World

I am not a conspiracy theorist. I am not a Bible fanatic. I’m rather a passionate-in-ideals, but lukewarm-in-action Christian who has very progressive notions. (Don’t be like me.)

But I would like to talk about Revelation 13 for just a moment. The first part of it.

Revelation 13 NIV

The Beast out of the Sea

13 The dragon stood on the shore of the sea. And I saw a beast coming out of the sea. It had ten horns and seven heads, with ten crowns on its horns, and on each head a blasphemous name. The beast I saw resembled a leopard, but had feet like those of a bear and a mouth like that of a lion. The dragon gave the beast his power and his throne and great authority. One of the heads of the beast seemed to have had a fatal wound, but the fatal wound had been healed. The whole world was filled with wonder and followed the beast. People worshiped the dragon because he had given authority to the beast, and they also worshiped the beast and asked, “Who is like the beast? Who can wage war against it?”

The beast was given a mouth to utter proud words and blasphemies and to exercise its authority for forty-two months. It opened its mouth to blaspheme God, and to slander his name and his dwelling place and those who live in heaven. It was given power to wage war against God’s holy people and to conquer them. And it was given authority over every tribe, people, language and nation. All inhabitants of the earth will worship the beast—all whose names have not been written in the Lamb’s book of life, the Lamb who was slain from the creation of the world.
Whoever has ears, let them hear.
10 “If anyone is to go into captivity,
    into captivity they will go.
If anyone is to be killed with the sword,
    with the sword they will be killed.”

This calls for patient endurance and faithfulness on the part of God’s people.


I have my opinions about what this means, but I won’t bore or frighten you with the details. Plus, I don’t want you to think I’m totally batshit crazy. I will say–many people believe the beast is a multi-national organization that will rule the world given its power (funding) by China (the dragon). Nations that might be part of the multi-headed beast: Russia, sounds like the USA, and possibly old English territories such as Hong Kong or others. The lion, the bear, etc. The part that really jumped out at me:

The beast was given a mouth to utter proud words and blasphemies and to exercise its authority for forty-two months.

If this ain’t Trump, then I’d hate to see the beast John’s talking about.

This is just shy of a full presidential term. 42 months. 3 1/2 years. If charges are brought against Trump, it will probably take the rest of this year (to elect new officials willing to impeach him) and next (an entire year to prepare and try a case in the House and Senate) to bring him to justice.

This guy. This freakin’ guy. He cheats on his wife. He’s cheated on all of his wives. He steals. He lies. He has no concept of morality. He’s been handed money and acts like a spoiled child. He’s never had to answer for anything in his whole, horrible life. He breaks the backs of poor people, sues at the drop of a hat, hires people and never pays them, and takes advantage of anyone who will let him. And now that anyone is our country. Next? The world. He doesn’t show anyone respect except for Putin. He meets in secret. He takes dirty, stolen money. He whines and bitches about persecution, but makes fun of women, the disabled and anyone who is different. He taunts foreign leaders with Twitter. He is the face of America. He represents us and I am disgusted. We do not bow to him. He serves us. Or should.

Look for his resignation in July-ish of 2020. Let’s hope. Let’s hope he doesn’t incite war by then. He’s a cornered beast, lashing out while struggling for air.


Another thing that jumped out at me:

This calls for patient endurance and faithfulness on the part of God’s people.


I have no idea what the future will bring. I’m not even sure that John’s dream/vision in the first century can be interpreted by mere humans, or has any meaning at all on this current world stage. But I am paying attention. I am trying to live my life as if Jesus could return at any moment. Even if there is no return. I have the hope of going home. I am trying to live by Jesus’ command–LOVE.

But this life is wonderful, too. I am loved here, too.

I am the better for striving for Heaven. The world is the better for my fear of God. So I will continue to live this way. I have no reason not to.

I hate the world sometimes, but I’m doing my best to love the people in it.

Death Haiku and Poem

Death is not horror
Living through someone’s death is
Misery we fear


Don’t cry for the dead
Smile for life that has blossomed
To die is to change


Flower fades in time
The blossom is most precious
As first petal falls


Your tears are diamonds
Shed for my broken body
Heaven is my gem


My death is rebirth
Change in energy
Frozen to freedom
Difference between
Carbon and diamonds

Born in the USA

I used to think it was a blessing to live in America. That I was one of the luckiest citizens of the planet to be born in such a country. An almost pre-ordained, God-given birthright. That I was blessed. That our nation was blessed. But I am a product of this environment. What else would I believe? Almost a century of “work hard, buy a house, use credit.” But it doesn’t work for everyone.

And what does that get you? America has become the abhorrent opposite of Christianity. Christianity is about sharing, loving, caring for the least, the poor, the fatherless, the widows. America is about securing your own property and power. And the difference between poor and rich is growing out of control.

I don’t know what it’s like to be anywhere else. Rugged individualism is only a value if you are raised in such a world. I was shown the commercial for America. I believed it. “Shut up and take my money.” I believed it was the best because that’s what we tell the world. The ideal is to live here. Immigrants pouring across the border for safety and wealth.

I don’t want to trade places, but I don’t mind sharing. I need healthcare, clean water, access to schools and freedom to move. Protection for my child. So do they.

If we can’t evolve as a society/country to accommodate those in need, then we have no business to point to our manifest destiny. We have become corrupt and require modification. Our entire country was formed on the crushing of Native Americans. There is still sentiment in this country, of those in power, that we can take what we want, benefit ourselves in the present, with no concern for the future. That should change.

We need to move/evolve from deregulated capitalism to something towards socialism. Not socialism, but at least universal healthcare. Life, liberty, pursuit of happiness. First one is life.

I wish I knew what to do. I’m paying attention. I’m watching the money. I’m voting. I’m participating. It’s not clear that the Dems will do any better. God help us.

I love America. Mostly the people in it. But I am growing more and more discouraged by the few in power who abuse the poor.

Born in the USA

This is America


Also. When do we drop the American dream and start living as God intended? Without borders. Without walls. Loving and caring for the world. God doesn’t care if we are safe, air-conditioned and pampered. He doesn’t care how big our house is or what we have in the cupboards if any of his people are starving. He has asked us to move into an uncomfortable place. I am still content to be comfortable. When does that change? What’s the breaking point? To move from comfort with one’s life to fighting for change for others? He’s waiting for us to be the hands and feet of his body. That’s our earthly purpose. When do we embrace that?

I can’t let my family down. Run off to South America, risk life and limb, risk my daughter’s life. My husband and daughter are counting on me. What are the little things I can do for the least of these?