When I’m bigger
I might figure
Why you let me down
You say, “Wait.”
Fate will rend the hate
And love will leave me found
You say, “This was my best.”
That life is just a test
And if I walk away, I fail
But you’re the one who lost
Made your choice at such a cost
To our history the final nail
Now that I am grown
All I see you’ve sown
Is bitter beds of rot
And all I can do
Is move to land that’s new
Find a better lot
You can try to save what’s left
Fill the gaping cleft
Writhe in the ash and black
Mourn with the bereft
Let death have its theft
But as for me I won’t look back
I am a city on a hill.
My enemies climb toward me,
But I can see them coming.
I don’t hide.
I keep this fire burning.
Rain down fire on this mountain, God.
I don’t need walls.
I need courage.
To love without limits.
I feel closest to God in those dark hours that bring sleep or illness.
Confined to bed.
Dark hours of emotion, depression, irrational thought.
Confined to spirit.
Void of the physical.
Confined to thoughts and dreams.
I feel closest because I must answer the questions:
What do you believe?
Where is your heart?
What is real?
What is true?
Simplest, inarguable answer:
I trust you, God.
I will listen to your truth.
When I was lonely and missing my family while I was overseas, I read this verse from the NASB.
I lie awake,
I have become like a lonely bird on a housetop.
When you flap your feathers about, you risk being alone in the sky.
So we must call out to God. And wait upon his eagle wings.
My prayers are but whispered words
From a yearning, desperate, fallible heart.
Mist between tall hills.
Breath between pangs.
Yet any power they possess
Does not rest on my small human capacity.
They are gathered by an eternal hand
That has raised mountains and stirred oceans.
I wish the past
Was a shed out back
Falling-down shabby shack
Full-blown 4-alarm panic attack
Packed full of every bad time.
I’d burn it down
Raze it to the ground
Not an ash to be found
My mind unbound
Flames call to this firebrand
Set matches to this misused land
Jump on chance and take your stand
But. On the other hand…
You’d burn with it
God is close to the broken-hearted
Mercy is where his grace has started
Carved-out justice of rock he made
Starve the devil on blood-soaked pearls once paid
Love falls down in chunks of fluff
All-time sacrifice was more than enough
Hope rises on this cloud-breaking bird
the world is all at once
popping the bubble of now
but the stone of lasting peace
is answering the how
How do you suffer? How do you stop?
How do you survive to be the bubble at the top?
Aaron Copland clouds
Trumpets and strings
Brilliant blue with wings
Plucked from the scores of paradise
Rose gold rays, long-tall days
This is where even devil prays
Brass beds, brass bands
Worry and fear are always my strays
Green as far as the sun can swing
No fence to stop a living thing
Rolling hills, sunlight spills
From the top of the world, I sing
Yellow fields sway
Harps of angels play
And I dream that these ghosts will stay.
How much you love anyone is directly related to how far you had to walk to find them.
Or how far you’re willing to walk WITH them.